“The Chino M”

It was 2006, I was 25 years old. It was my second season at the Ski Resort in California. I loved my job, loved the people, I was happy.

There was this ski instructor at work. He was English, but was born in Hong Kong and he always called himself “Chino M”.

I didn´t work as an instructor, I worked in Admin, therefore, I used to program his privates. He would come to check in, we flirted now and there.

On my day off I went snowboarding one day, fell down the hill and hit my face with my own knee. Went to First Aid and the nurse said “You can either pay 500 US Dollars for an X ray or just put some ice on it”

I didn´t have any medical insurance, so there I was with some ice on my face, feeling sorry about myself.

Chino M approached and said “Let´s go to the pub”. We fucked for the first time that night.

We spent the whole contract together. He said he loved me, and I was happy because I loved him too.

The season was finishing soon and we were both doing winters back-to-back. He usually went to New Zealand and I usually went to Bariloche, Argentina.

I told him one day: “I follow you” and I did. Got my visa and my plane ticket to Queenstown, NZ and I was on my way to live with a boyfriend for the first time.

It was a nightmare.

We lived in a very nice house with 2 other couples. The room was big, with a view of the lake, with a private bathroom. He had a job already at one of the ski resorts, but It took me a while to find one.

I spent most of the day by myself. When he finished working, he always went straight to the pub to drink with his friends. Sometimes he invited me, sometimes he forgot about me completely.

I was very shy back then. I just started to travel and it was difficult for me to make new friends.

If you read my blogs, you might know that back then I used to drink a lot. Whenever I went out, I drunk very fast, with an empty stomach, and I would black-out.

I didn´t pass out, I was awake, but I became someone else. I was violent, aggressive, I would say things that didn´t make sense. That´s how I found out that I was molested when I was a child, but that´s a different story…

With “Chino M” my black-outs were really bad. He brought up the worst side of me. We would get violent, argued, said terrible things to each other.

It was a traumatizing experience for both of us.

We almost broke up a couple of times, but we kept coming back together.

We continued to travel together for a couple more years. Lake Tahoe and Bariloche were some of the destinations.

The fights continued of course. The violent words towards each other. I remembered even when I was sober, he would piss me off so much that I would hit him in the face. And he would hit back.

One day I realized that this is not love.

We talked about and he agreed. He said that when he met me he wanted to experience something different, but he never thought it was going to be that type of different. He didn´t like it either.

I went back to California and he decided to go to Switzerland.

I realized that I didn´t like who I was when I was with him.

You want someone who brings out the best of you.

Not your fucking demons.

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