The Ups and Downs of January 2021

Collages and photo by Cata Love

This month was full of ups and downs, emotionally speaking.
We are very busy at work, but the moving of location is not fully confirmed yet, and we can all feel the stress in the air. We are still closed to the students and continue the online lessons until Feb 7th. However, it looks like a lockdown is coming, Covid cases in Spain continue to increase.

Personally speaking, some days are very dark. Last week I had days where my mind was playing tricks on me. Whenever I´m down, there´s a repetitive thought that comes to my mind, a thought of me shooting myself in the head. It creates a mix of emotions. Weirdly speaking, it releases stress, but on the other hand, it generates more. I will never harm myself, so why does my mind take me to such a dark place?

I guess that´s one of the symptoms of depression, that feeling of being overwhelmed by emotions and not being able to control your mind. I hate feeling that way.

I try to do things that would make me feel better. Last week I took long naps after work, cuddling Apolo, smoke more CBD than THC, and ate healthily. I spent more time doing collages, allowing creativity to flow and trying to analyze the images that I was creating.

I asked myself: What is bothering you Cata Love? My collage process starts by picking up images:

I recycle cigar boxes and I use them to keep my images. My joint and Apolo are always close.
Cata Love in action
Apolo supervising the process
Human get some rest
I realized I chose many images of women

I have always been attracted to women and I experimented in the past. Sometimes I wonder, is it that I´m supposed to be with a woman instead of a man? There are 2 women in my life that I feel sexually attracted to. One is a very good friend of mine, and the other one is a friend of a friend.

I never seduced a woman before. What if this is something I should start paying more attention to? When I started this collage, I asked myself to represent whatever is upsetting me deep inside, and those images and thoughts came to my mind.

And this is the final piece, women everywhere.

The ladies. Collage and photo by Cata Love

This is unexpected, it sounds like I´m coming out. However, friends and family know I experimented with women before, it wouldn´t be a surprise for most people.

So why do I feel so surprise about how this collage made me feel?

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